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An invitation to your inner child.

Have you forgotten how to dream?

There are days, sometimes weeks, even months – when you know all too well that you are ‘a grown up’. We are constantly reminded that we must face the realities of daily life. No matter how good things go on the job or in your personal life, there is always a stack of bills waiting in the mailbox at the end of the month. They must be paid. They wont go away if you simply ignore them. After a while, if this cycle of ‘serious stuff’ goes without respite we are apt to become tired – emotionally as well as physically. What happens when we are tired? Our defenses are down. Many of us now take measures to maintain our bodies well. We get enough rest and eat well, but what measures do we take to ensure that our spirit is healthy and well exercised?

Children don’t need to be reminded to use their imagination and play. You might think, “What do they have to worry about?” The answer is plenty - mom and dad are getting a divorce, there is a war going on, kids bring guns to school, and the list goes on. The difference is that children look at the world as a place where things are possible, because they have hope. I would like to invite you to that place in your mind where the little girl or the little boy in you still wants to set out on the adventure of discovery. Discovering the world, as well as self-discovery. What kinds of amazing things are you still capable of?

Traveling this road may start off with baby steps and if you really let yourself go, eventually lead to leaps and bounds. Many pop celebrities who have built careers in the movies, television and music have recently made the leap to authoring books for children. If you’re a literary sort this may a way to get in touch with your inner child.  For the rest of us, the route might be investing in meaningful books to share with the children in our lives. There is something to be said for experiencing the wonder and excitement that can only be found in the eyes of child as you read them a story. If there are no little ones to share with, you might find that reacquainting yourself with your childhood heroes is another path to recalling more joyful times. Those kinds of memories come in all different shapes and sizes. A big yellow bird perhaps.

There’s a story about a time before I could tell time. I would come into the kitchen and point into the other room saying, “The man, the man!” The first time my mom heard me say that, she was worried there was a strange man in the house. ‘The man’ turned out to be Mister Rogers. When he passed away this year, it had been a long time since I had paid much attention to him on television. Since then, if I am channel surfing and hit upon his show I let myself watch. Even in reruns, he still has good things to say. His voice brings me back to a place where innocence & wonder are beautiful things that I remember as clearly as if I were experiencing them for the first time.

Whether it’s a television show, a book, comics or toys that trigger the kid in you, take the time to enjoy it and make the effort to suppress that voice that tells you to leave these childish things behind. There’s no need to live in the past or shrug off our responsibilities as adults, but why not sit down to pay your next batch of bills to the tune of, “Fairy tales can come true, they can happen to you, if you’re young at heart.”

If you do one thing…

Don’t limit yourself to dreaming of happily ever after. Start living happily ever now.

Recommended Reading

FOR YOU

The World According to Mister Rogers: Important Things to Remember by Fred Rogers
The Wisdom of Big Bird/The Dark Genius of Oscar the Grouch: Lessons from a Life in Feathers Caroll Spinney

FOR YOU & YOUR KIDS

Uncle Andy's by James Warhola
My Name is Georgia: A Portrait by Jeanette Winter
The English Roses by Madonna
Friends of a Feather: One of Life's Little Fables by Bill Cosby
I'm Gonna Like Me: Letting Off a Little Self Esteem by Jamie Lee Curtis
The Remarkable Farkle McBride by Jonathan Lithgow

The Three Questions by Jon J. Muth, Leo Tolstoy

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Projecting Personal Image

In order to project the clearest message about who you are and what you represent you need to have all the facts. Making an honest assessment of where you stand physically, intellectually and emotionally forearms you with an appreciation of your strengths and weaknesses. Both can contribute to your undoing if you don’t pay them the appropriate attention. We often gloss over our strengths, taking them for granted. As for our shortcomings, it is human nature to listen too well to the voices in our heads – those inner critics who always seem to have something negative to say. My advice is to cut that voice off at the pass. It’s there, anticipate the urge to wallow in what it has to say and simply put this question to yourself, “Why waste the time when I could be doing something, anything – rather than self indulge in a mental workout, where I am the punching bag?”

Closed for inventory.

Initiate a head to toe inventory. Get off of life’s treadmill and initiate an intervention. Get help if you need to. In what state is the body that takes action on your behalf? How healthy is your hair? What condition is your skin in? Are those dark circles under your eyes due to lack of sleep and poor eating habits? Look down at your hands and try to remember the last time you took good care of your nails or moisturized. Take a good long look in the mirror. Have you gained a few pounds? Have you missed a few too many visits to the gym? What have you done for your feet lately? All these questions, all at once, may seem like cruel and unusual punishment. That abusive little voice in your head all of a sudden doesn’t seem so bad. That’s only because these questions have answers that have the potential to prompt you to action – or to realize that the extra weight or the breakouts are comfortable protection from rising to meet our potential. Being a happy, healthy, well adjusted human being.

Survival 101.

What are the absolute basics? Water. Food. Shelter. At home, the office or in the bag you carry – let there be water and plenty of it. Keeping a steady supply on hand will make it easier to get into the routine of hydrating your body, improving the quality of your skin and overall health. The same is true of food. Stock your shelves and your private stashes with healthy snacks. Yes, that zippered pocket in your knapsack, gym bag or that bottom drawer of your desk at work. When you’re at the market or online ordering groceries, shop for a very special person who you want to be sure is eating well. Moms are often so good at this when it comes to their offspring but neglect themselves blatantly. Shelter may take the form of a sprawling house in the suburbs or a small shoebox flat in the city, but there is more to shelter than the physical roof over your head. Build safe spaces that allow you to sleep soundly and without interruption. This may mean an eye mask, earplugs, a sound machine, unplugging the telephone or all of the above. A time and place for silent reflection throughout the day is important as well. Making your mind still will help you make sound choices. In desperation you may need to resort to locking yourself in the bathroom but hopefully it will be a simple as shutting the door to your office and not taking calls for a period of time. You might also consider a radical concept, venturing out of the building to enjoy the sun on your face and the fresh air in your lungs.

Gift Wrapped.

Once you’ve addressed the inner workings, you should find that there are fewer surface symptoms to deal with. Striking a balance between all the basic needs to maintain yourself, you will also discover that mental tricks and emotional traps that would drag us as far down as we could possibly go, now hold much less weight because we are actively engaged in self-care and self-love. This is the time to enjoy decorating our person and our surroundings so that we can deliver the best and always evolving version of who we are to our friends, family, careers and community – wrapped in pretty paper and tied up in a big bow. Healthy hair will require less drastic maintenance but by the same token it also deserves a great cut. A body that has begun to shed a few pounds and get toned can be honored with flattering garments in colors and shapes that speak to how we envision ourselves. The confidence that comes from respecting and celebrating ourselves will allow us to project the most sincere expression of our own unique personal image. Our ultimate self is just under the surface. Do a little scratching.

If you do one thing…

Cease and desist at least one habit you are currently relying on to camouflage a symptom and address the underlying issue for your mind, body or spirit. 

Recommended Reading

The Joy Diet – Martha Beck

What You Can Change… And What You Can’t: Learning to Accept Who You Are - Martin E.P. Seligman, Ph.D.

10 Steps to Fashion Freedom - Levene & Mayfield

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ENGAGING LIFE

“O brave new world that has such creatures in it!” Take a cue from Shakespeare and look at life with new eyes. Some people travel the world in search of a fresh perspective when it can be as simple as cultivating inspiration within. Shed the security of a passive approach to life. Plant the seeds of change by embracing language that is rich with action. Each verb you employ exercises your will.

Embark on adventure. Life as we know it is finite. Savor each and every moment. Don’t wait for a mid-life crisis to stretch the boundaries. Eliminate “I would”, “I should” and “I could” from your vocabulary. Substitute these weak phrases with empowering ones; “I will”, “I can” and “I am”.

Commit to courage. The threat of change will often prompt us to retreat into a safety zone. Fight the feeling! Don’t react… respond. Take the time to evaluate how new situations broaden the scope of opportunities for you to gain experience, learn new things and/or simply have fun.

Elect to dream. Launch a campaign to win back your heart, challenge your mind and reawaken spirit. A hurried lifestyle wraps around us like a cocoon – obstructing the view both outward and inward. Every item on life’s “to do” list becomes another layer. Make a plan to stimulate your imagination. Schedule the time to rediscover yourself and fulfill the simplest of desires.

Recently, while speaking with a very busy client, I suggested that she check out of her overwhelming day and take a long bath - perhaps by candlelight. Although the concept seemed simple enough, her response spoke volumes on how far she was from her center. With a sense of wonder she responded, “I had forgotten… I used to do that for myself”.

Establish your legacy. As intimidating as the concept is, everyone has a desire on some level to make a difference in the world we live in. Raising a happy family. Building a successful career. Being recognized for a unique contribution to society. All wonderful things, but ultimately your gift is who you are and how you have chosen to lead your life. Be accountable to the memory and influence of your choices. Know that when all is said and done you did rise to the challenge. Fear and self-doubt are facts of life that serve us as obstacles to overcome. Allowing them to dictate how you lead your life is the only way to fail.

If you do one thing…

Take a moment to think of something you have done before but which is no longer a part of your routine. Budget the time and energy to accomplish the task. Ask who? what? where? why? when? and how?  Sing. Dance. Paint. Swim. Fly! You’re never too old. Trust that your physical body has a memory at the cellular level. Take some time to let yourself rekindle a personal passion. Dare yourself to try. Once you have this under your belt the unknown will be less daunting. Before you know it what began as a new behavior pattern, will be the norm. Dreams are where we are given the chance to invent ourselves. Engage. Act. Do.

Recommended Reading

Live The Life You Love - Barbara Sher

Everyday Grace - Marianne Williamson

The Power of Now - Eckhart Tolle

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THRIVE! Don’t Just Survive
 

A fast paced season of social obligations. Emotionally overwhelming holidays. Pressure to face a new year. The responsibility of living up to promises we make to ourselves - and others. High expectations for where we should be in the scope of things. Did you heart just skip a beat? Need a minute to catch your breath? You are not alone.

Everyone has felt the power of the post holiday blues and yet little is done to prepare for one of the most depressing and anxiety filled times of year. With a little planning and positive reinforcement this time of year can be the perfect opportunity to recover, recharge and restore the real you.

IDENTIFY THE REAL GOAL

Be sure you set the best possible goals. For example, do not let losing weight be your New Year’s resolution. Let your goal be to evolve your relationship to food and your body. Is food about nourishment and health? Or is food a reward, a comfort or even an anesthetic? The same is true of getting in shape at the gym or through a personal fitness program. Contrary to popular belief will power is not the answer. Re-programming how you feel about exercise and how much value you imbue it with. If it isn’t important enough to take a prominent place within your schedule then you will resent it and find a way to reject it the first chance you get.

ENCOURAGEMENT

In a social climate that creates and fosters very stressful lifestyles having a personal support system in place is crucial. Find those individuals who are making the same attempt to improve their quality of life. A spouse, family member, good friend or sympathetic co-worker – they are all among the people who will provide you the encouragement when you need it most. But, remember to let them in on your goals. Ultimately the only person you have to answer to is you, but all the same it’s nice to know someone is in your corner.

DEFINE YOUR NEEDS

During the dark cold months of winter seek out those sources of light & warmth. After months of making family and friends the focus of your affection take the time to cater to your dreams and desires. If your body is run down and aches from the additional stress of trudging around in cold weather make an appointment with a massage therapist. Remember that you always have options no matter what your budget. Newbury Street is home to many wonderful spas that definitely offer the most luxurious environments but if you are willing to do the research you might seek out very accomplished students at local massage schools who are often available at half the price before they take their place on the street of dreams.

SCOUTING A PATH

How do we get from point A to point B? Anything worth doing is worth doing well. Your well-being is infinitely more important than any external force. Take the time to plan. Make a list. Schedule the time to accomplish the tasks that will move you along your path.

Investing in full spectrum light bulbs for your home and office may improve the quality of light enough to improve your outlook. A variety of Verilux bulbs are available at Bed, Bath & Beyond.

Ordering the bulk of your groceries online through Peapod could free you up of time consuming trips to the market so that you might set out on an adventure with a new cookbook at home. Any Jamie Oliver/The Naked Chef book is a treat in itself.

Take a class at the Boston Center for Adult Education in a subject that you have always wanted to try. Get in touch with the creative part of your being. And, on the slim chance that you feel you don’t have a creative bone in your body – do it anyway! If something has drawn you to a subject the journey will surely be as rewarding as any end result.

SKILL SETS: Framing Your Dreams

Life is too short to be degrading our selves. Placing examples of obese people or farm animals on our refrigerators is cruel and a waste of space. Instead, bring one dream into your home and honor it’s importance. Spend an afternoon searching through travel magazines and find an image of a place that fills you with inspiration. Take it to the next step and shop for a frame that will do it justice. Then place it somewhere that you will see it on a regular basis. Building an atmosphere of hope and beauty influences all facets of your life.

RECOMMENDED READING

There is A Spiritual Solution to Every Problem  by Wayne W. Dyer

Tired of Being Tired  by Jesse Lynn Hanley, M.D. & Nancy Deville

When Working Out Isn’t Working Out  by Michael Gerrish

***

“Life is a banquet…

… and most poor suckers are starving to death.” *

Don’t be one of them! There’s a clever little mind trick that keeps us at arms length from our true selves. We understand that we are individuals and shrink from being told that we are like everyone else, but when it comes to making choices we cling to the safe and the predictable. For the longest time, when ordering Chinese food I always got the same thing – chicken and broccoli. Rather boring, but it was easier that way. No unpleasant surprises.

On the other hand, there were no delightful rewards either. A new takeout menu featured a dish that seemed to be there just to tempt me out of my culinary rut. It was called Amazing Chicken. I thought about it. How could they call it that if it weren’t truly amazing? I took the chance and it was well worth it!

I must admit that since then, I have taken risks with food and on more than one occasion I have been disappointed. But having put my self ‘out there’ expanded my personal menu. I am no longer on automatic pilot when deciding what to have for dinner. The law of averages is on the side of those who dare to “live, live, live!”*

Diversity and balance are at the heart of a healthy diet, so food is an ideal example of something that we should approach thoughtfully. This is a practice that should be applied to making choices about any number of things. Food nourishes our bodies. If we look at the world around us as a banquet, then we can appreciate how everything feeds some part of us. Ideas sustain our minds. Emotions stimulate and nurture our spirit. It is said that ‘variety is the spice of life’ - experiment with what you choose to make a part of your life.

Embrace unfamiliar cultures.

Native American, Caribbean, African, Asian, Celtic. What comes to mind when you think of a culture other than your own? Beyond the melting pot of ethnicity, there is the geographical cross section of lifestyles that makes up our national identity – East Coast, Southern, West Coast, Alaskan or Hawaiian. There are distinct differences which offer opportunities for greater understanding. Customs, folklore, music, food and language all offer a new perspective. When you scratch beneath the surface there is also the occasion to discover common threads that connect us to the human experience.

Explore foreign lands.

There’s no place like home, but think about it. The reason for that very universal sentiment is because each place has its own unique qualities. Set out on a journey to uncover the wonder of every place. It’s not always a matter of securing a plane ticket. You can start off with a book or film that captures the essence of a locale. Allow yourself to get lost. In the words of J.R.R. Tolkien, “Not everyone who wanders is lost”.

Engage challenges.

Stella Adler once said, “Life beats down and crushes the soul and art reminds you that you have one”. Are there art forms that you dismiss offhandedly? Resist the urge to discount the value of something because it challenges what you have learned to appreciate thus far. Consider any attempts you have made to be creative. What was the purpose? Was it a statement you wanted to make, or simply to share a moment that touched you in some way? Whether it’s a painting or a poem, communication is at the core of efforts to make art, so listen.

If you do one thing… make courageous choices.

Recommended Reading

Auntie Mame by Patrick Dennis

Around the World With Auntie Mame by Patrick Dennis

Life Is A Banquet by Rosalind Russell

Myths to Live By by Joseph Campbell

Simple Abundance by Sarah Ban Breathnach

A Man’s Journey to Simple Abundance by Sarah Ban Breathnach