Adventures in Mind,
Body & Spirit
Although
it may seem like a contradiction, when life presents you with personal
and/or professional challenges, it is the perfect time to intentionally
explore uncharted territory, with vigor! Adventure is a romantic term
for facing the unknown, which can often be a terrifying proposition. If
you were thrust into some unexpected Indiana Jones scenario it would not
necessarily seem like the stuff of legends while you were going through
it. But, with the right casting and some clever lighting it could be
movie history in the making. A simple adjustment in thinking will often
do the trick in even the most daunting of situations. Instead of
wallowing in the gloom and doom take charge! The best possible person
you can be surfaces when your mind, your body and your spirit are
invested in the present.
Keep
your mind sharp. Introduce fresh ideas and learn new skills regularly.
Accepting that there are an infinite amount of things that will fit that
bill, will keep you engaged, alert and excited about life. Imagine a
critic evaluating an actor’s performance during rehearsals or even worse
before they even started. How fair would that be? How many of us let our
own inner critic undermine, what might be an award-winning role? Silence
even the most cynical, pessimistic voice by taking action.
Fight or
flight is a basic instinct. When the going gets tough, the tough get
going or they run to fight another day – and yet another breed of
survivor, goes shopping! Take a clue from Pavlov’s dog and re-condition
your body to respond favorably to the cues that usually tie our stomach
up in knots, breaks our skin out in hives or makes us physically ache
for the most current ‘IT’ product, that will make everything better.
Shopping for the latest fad, a bargain or a new pair of shoes is a
familiar coping mechanism in stressful conditions. Change the goal. Let
your pilgrimage to the mall be a journey where the end result involves
weaning yourself off of the quick fix that a purchase provides. The new
thrill can be ‘knowing’ that you have modified your ritual, not denied
yourself anything of importance.
Being
accountable to our dreams is a noble burden. There are moments when our
only gauge of true personal success, can be found at the core of what
our secret desires are. From early childhood society teaches us to
suppress these fundamental instincts by telling us to grow up, get real
or remember our place. This conditioning thwarts our creativity and
ability to believe in more than we can see and touch with our own two
hands. There are no small dreams only small dreamers, so DREAM BIG!
In the
midst of chaos, appreciating that when you dare to be open to the
unfamiliar, you are given unique opportunities. You are able to let your
curiosity drive you into unimagined directions, to fortify your courage
so that you might face change bravely as well as honestly and
ultimately grow a person. This is the
best kind of adventure. Some choose to conquer some of nature’s colossal
challenges – everyone has a Mount Everest of sorts – only by going
outside can they confront their fears and test their limits. Others find
their inner hero in smaller, more personal ways. The important thing to
remember here is that regardless of which method motivates you most
directly, you can find adventure and the reward of taking responsibility
for where you’re going on any path.
If
you do one thing…
The next
time you are about to try and fill a void with a ritual habit like
shopping, food or some other fix - learn something new instead (buy a
book, do some on-line research, attend a class, workshop or lecture) OR
call a friend and share one personal dream, no matter how unrealistic it
may seem like at the time.
Recommended Reading
Timeshifting: Creating More Time to Enjoy Your Life - Stephan Rechtschaffen, M.D.
The
Force Is With You: Mystical Movie Messages That Inspire Our Lives –
Stephen Simon
Reverence: Renewing a Forgotten Virtue – Paul Woodruff
Retail
Therapy: Life Lessons Learned While Shopping – Amanda Ford
***
Quiet Time:
The New Midas Touch
Silence is golden.
There are individuals who by their very presence inspire a peaceful
atmosphere without ever saying a single word. Think of some universal
icons of peace – Gandhi, Mother Theresa, His Holiness the Dalai Lama.
All of us have the ability to exist in states of grace. Our frenetic
environments however keep that natural instinct dormant. Often there are
those who have it buried so deeply within themselves that it takes a
powerful shock in the form of a serious illness or a tragic accident to
ultimately force them to stop and be still. Cultivating our personal
Midas touch of silence can help us on our way to finding balance
in our mental processes, the physical manifestations of our bodies and
how we express ourselves emotionally as well as spiritually.
Quieting the chaos.
Meditation is one way to clear away the many demands that tax our minds.
A single focus on our breathing, a body of water, the flame of a single
candle or a roaring fire can be the paths to clarity. The demands of
your day might conflict fiercely with your desire to allocate valuable
time to something that is so exclusively your own. Finding clever ways
to grasp those moments is the answer. Get off the train a stop before
your usual station, in order to enjoy a brief walk and some fresh air
before beginning work or returning home. Stop to smell the Starbucks.
Nothingness.
It can be a daunting prospect if we are not accustomed to facing the
wide-open spaces of our own minds.
Designate a block of
time that is yours alone and use it. A first attempt will always prove
challenging, but with every opportunity that we take full advantage of,
we get a little better at discerning the clutter from true priorities.
Once that filter becomes a routine part of your general outlook, the
important things in your life have the room to grow. Time with your
family and friends has the potential to be richer and deeper in meaning.
Work can be integrated into our lifestyles in healthier and more
moderate proportions - motivating us to make the time we do dedicate to
our careers more productive. With a structure like this, dreams and
passions have positive personal and professional relationships that
nurture them and allow them to flourish.
Our reward.
A
moment’s peace in the midst of a world that seems to be racing out of
control – there is no greater gift. It is as practical as it is
pleasurable to dedicate time to the process. Contrary to what might be
your initial reaction, it is not a waste of time. The time we spend
centering ourselves is about preventative maintenance. This is our
chance to back up our files, defrag our hard drives and check for errors
– before we crash! When we reboot after taking those steps we are
ready to start fresh. Once learned, having the ability to find the
stillness in moments will be an invaluable skill, more precious than
gold.
When we stop, look and
listen we can honestly appreciate the moment we are in.
If you do one thing…
Be still.
Recommended Reading:
Reflections on the Art of
Living: A Joseph Campbell Companion - Selected and edited by
Diane K. Osbon
How to Practice:
The Way to a Meaningful Life - His Holiness the Dalai
Lama/Translated and edited by Jeffrey Hopkins, Ph.D.
The Zen of Oz
: Ten Spiritual Lessons from Over the Rainbow – Joey Green
***
ABC:
The Building Blocks of Body Image
A healthy self-image
is rooted in honesty. Coming to terms with the cards your holding and
deciding how you will play them will depend greatly upon how truthful
you are willing to be. Objectivity is a useful tool in making an attempt
to see what others do. Ever caught sight of your reflection and been
sincerely surprised by what you see? Often our mental picture of
ourselves is quite different from the facts. Subjectivity however, is
also a valuable instrument. You know better than anyone else the nuances
that animate and enhance the body you walk around in.
Both perspectives
afford you with an opportunity to find a balance you can live with.
Acceptance
of who you are and where you stand at this moment is the first step.
Face yourself
in the mirror. Asking questions is the next move. Is weight an issue?
Are the affects of time and gravity distorting the parameters of your
self-image? Do the proportions of features you were born with seem out
of sync with current standards of beauty? Embrace any and all of these
facts. You may be overweight. You may be finding wrinkles and sagging in
all the wrong places. You may not have high cheekbones and an aquiline
nose. If you have any intention of making changes in any of these areas
you need to accept the facts. You must also come to terms with why your
mind defines them as a problem to be solved. While good health is a very
real consideration, less tangible evidence such as personal vanity or
seeking approval must be carefully examined.
Break
with self-destructive patterns that undermine any plan you set into
motion. Once you’ve done your homework this becomes less of a mountain
to climb. Learning new behaviors like regular exercise or healthy eating
habits become a motivational experience in their own right as opposed to
a life sentence. Results fluctuate and can prove devastating if we
invest all our self-worth in them. The shift is the journey and
ultimately it’s own reward.
Challenge
yourself to take pleasure in the constant evolution of your reflection.
Finding peace with the elements that continue to make you a unique
individual will make change the gift that keeps on giving. This is where
the facade of who you are on the surface becomes a true expression of
the person within, the heart, the mind and the soul.
In the end, setting priorities for the lifestyle you want will be the
definition for how you lead it. Will dedicating yourself to a demanding
routine of exercise limit the time you have with friends and family or
will it give you the personal time to recharge so that you can bring
more of your self to those relationships? Will strict dieting keep you
in the right size dress or will it leave you feeling weak and
shortchanged? The answers can swing either way depending on the
motivation behind your efforts as well as what is at the core of
behaviors you believe need to be corrected. Considering grace, dignity
and reverence for the process of life can be inspiring concepts when
confronting the looking glass each and every morning.
If you do one thing…
Don’t buy into any one
prescription for a transformation that you would like to see take place
in your life. Trust your instincts and assemble your own patchwork
pattern for how you will find balance, establish good health and build
energy within your body.
Recommended
Reading
The Mind-Body Makeover Project:
A 12-Week Plan for
Transforming Your Body and Your Life
– Michael Gerrish
The
Beauty Myth:
How Images of Beauty
Are Used Against Women
- Naomi Wolf
The
Body Image Workbook: An 8 Step Program –
Thomas F. Cash
On-line
Resources
bodypositive.com
bodytalkmagazine.com
adiosbarbie.com
***
Healthy
Romance: A Part Of Everyday
When it comes to romance,
there is no better advice than to give generously of your time, your
affection and yourself. This is true whether or not you are in a
relationship. The quest to discover the magical moments in your life can
fill you with great joy. Valentine’s Day reminds us about flowers, candy
and beautiful verses in greeting cards but all that only scratches the
surface of what it’s all about. Romance is like a tonic when it is a
part of your every day existence.
Know thyself.
Share the real you with those around you. Many people say that they find
themselves at a loss when it comes to finding inspiration. Ask yourself
what would you most want to have someone do for you. Then experience the
excitement in giving. It is always a good thing to receive but the gift
of seeing someone respond to act an act of kindness that you are
responsible for – there is nothing like it!
Change is good.
Break with what your preconceptions of what romance means. Look to your
favorite hero/heroine in a book, movie or play. How would they express
themselves passionately? They are often meaningful to you because they
reflect something about yourself. Take a chance on doing something
daring and different. Make it a “no strings” experiment. Don’t expect
any particular response. This is the perfect example of art for art’s
sake. Life is your canvas. Start painting in big broad strokes!
Seize the bouquet!
Caught in a rainstorm, you take refuge in a nearby shop. You know you
look like they just fished you out of the
Charles River. A bright sunny smile greets you inside - apparently
unaware that you don’t always look like this - and suddenly you
understand just how Gene Kelly felt. The time comes to brave the
elements once again. On your way to the train you see flowers for sale
and the big decision is whether or not you will have the courage to walk
back to the shop with an armful. You do. When presenting the impromptu
bouquet the only words that come to mind are - thank you. Back into the
rain once again and now you’re the one with the smile on your face. This
is what romance in your life is all about. When presented
with an opportunity to share the person you really are with another
individual don’t hesitate.
If you do one thing…
Begin your journey
to romance by trusting that life is good. Old film classics that seem to
always have a happy ending are popular because they fill us with hope.
Indulge in guilty pleasures like An Affair to Remember, Sleepless in
Seattle or my personal favorite - The Ghost & Mrs. Muir.
Recommended
Reading
Romancing the Ordinary – Sarah Ban Breathnach
The Path to Love – Deepak Chopra
The Bridge Across Forever - Richard Bach
***
LIFE Heroes
We all need heroes of some
kind at one point or another. In our youth we may invest our admiration
in sports figures. As we get older, power and wealth may be the
qualities in people that inspire us. And then of course, there are those
individuals who do extraordinary things in the face of daunting
situations. With experience any and all of those examples fall short or
topple off their pedestals eventually – they’re human after all is said
and done. Time affords us the opportunity to appreciate heroes of a
different sort – life heroes. These are the men and women who lead lives
worthy of great respect. They inspire by example – examples that
permeate how they engage life and relationships, not by excelling at a
particular skill or responding courageously in crisis.
Who’s Who
Role models are usually in plain site
and do more to influence our behavior than can be measured. Identifying
this type of hero takes stepping back and recognizing objectively what
they bring to the table. This might turn out to be a flesh and blood
person or the idealistic creation of a writer who builds a character
that will stand for the best humankind has to offer. Seek out those who
serve as reminders of our great potential. Having had the opportunity to
observe his Holiness the Dalai Lama for three days during a recent visit
to Boston I was able to experience a man who radiated serenity,
playfulness and curiosity. When confronted with my grandfather’s failing
health, instead of focusing on his mortality, I became acutely aware of
the powerful influence he had for me, in subtle of ways. Merely through
observation, I was a witness to how a good man leads his life –
reinforcing the value of hard work, the importance of family and
embracing faith earnestly. And still around every holiday season, I rely
on George Bailey to do the right thing in the face of adversity – so
that he (and I) might remember that it is indeed a wonderful
life!
Letting Go
There is comfort in that which we already know. That might explain the
recent behavior of Red Sox fans in response to the winning of a baseball
game. No more, no less – the winning of a game. Vandalism
and indecent exposure where among the acts of otherwise normal citizens
- in a misguided attempt to channel their excitement and zeal. As
inexperienced adolescents we might feed off that kind of energy – as
adults it can be the most disrespectful of indulgences. Should the great
accomplishments of our heroes incite us to turn over cars? Examples such
as this one may be very embarrassing at first, but as extreme as they
may seem they might also hold a valuable lesson when addressing how we
prioritize the importance of the men and women we call heroes. Some of
those icons may need to be brought down a few notches on our list of
heroes, or be discarded all together.
The Code
When the standards are high heroic acts are the norm, not the exception.
Discovering those who practice this kind of commitment to a high quality
life begin to influence us. All of a sudden your mom is a hero for
reinventing herself later in life. A loved one follows their dream and
life seems to rise up to meet them at every turn. These are all signs of
paths well chosen. The path of the hero is one that you can share by
serving as catalyst or simply a witness. Before you know it, the code,
values, ethics, etc. - a rose by any other name as they say – become
second nature and the bar is automatically raised from there forward.
If you do one thing…
Be a hero for someone else.
Few rewards are greater than mentoring a child. Big Brothers and Big
Sisters are always looking for dedicated adults who understand the
importance of becoming accessible to a young person during their
formative years. Check out:
bbmb.org &
bigsister.org
Recommended Reading
Living A Life That Matters – Harold S. Kushner
Heroic Leadership: Best Practices from a 450-Year-Old Company
That Changed the World – Chris Lowney
Ethics for a New Millennium - His Holiness the Dalai Lama
The Art of Happiness: A Handbook for Living – His Holiness the
Dalai Lama, Howard C. Cutler
Stumbling Toward Enlightenment – Geraldine A. Larkin
Meditations for the Humanist: Ethics for a Secular Age - A.C.
Grayline
***
Lonely Crowds
Do you find yourself
subject to a sense of being disconnected? That feeling can be just as
strong, sometimes more intense when surrounded by other people. Quick to
label it ‘lonely’ or ‘melancholy’ we overlook the source of those
emotions. Spiritual beings in physical bodies can get bogged down in the
tangible reality of many things - that which has already taken place
(now tied up in a pretty pink bow), the blunt force of interacting with
our surroundings, or distractions that tempt us with the rush of
immediate gratification. Shed light on the hidden causes of ASA - adult
separation anxiety.
Good Old Days
The grass always
seemed greener yesterday. Through the luxury of memory, the past is a
series of black & white, sepia tinted snapshots of how we would like
best to remember it. Perception is a double-edged blade. On the one
side, it allows us to focus on the positive and remain hopeful. The
other, clings to the notion that ‘now’ doesn’t quite measure up.
Experiencing and enjoying the rewards of the present, that we will
undoubtedly celebrate in the future, is a task worth undertaking.
The Dark Side
Some days it is
easier to see the worst in people. Those are the days that are abundant
with every careless and mean-spirited act humans are capable of. No need
to deny the downside but, take care what you invite into your life by
fixating on it. There is no getting around the shortcomings of mankind,
but looking beyond its influence and overcoming the obstacles placed in
our way are gifts we are all free to accept into our lives.
Filler & Fluff
Some highs last
longer than others. Sex, food and shopping, when used to fill a void all
have different expiration dates. The result however is often
predictable. There is the funk of disappointment, which leads to either
depression or a mad dash for the next best thing – a new fix. In moments
of clarity, fill your environment with reminders of whom you want to be
‘when you grow up’ and of those who will share the journey with you –
friends and family. Framed photos, well chosen quotes, inspiring movies,
books and music – can serve as rose-colored filters. Indulging can be
replaced with positive intent, when you choose to make every action a
step on the path to your best self.
Resist the
inclination to be a passive participant in your own life. Look for the
clues in everything. When your eyes, ears and heart are open to the
signs, you will find that anyone and anything can deliver the message
you need. In moments of nostalgia, notice what you tend to glamorize.
Consider what could
be at the source of someone’s hostility – whether you’re right or wrong,
you have stopped the cycle by not immediately reacting. Assign cravings
and desires a new context – your intention can transform them into
healthier impulses. They might be basic or profound but ultimately your
instincts will inform you when something rings true.
If you do one thing…
Be mindful.
Recommended Reading
The Answer To How Is Yes by Peter Block
Mindfulness In Plain English by Bhante Henepola Gunaratana
Stumbling Toward Enlightenment by Geri Larkin
***
LOVE
Not just another 4 letter word.
Love - a simple little word. When all is said and done the fact of love
is a simple matter. The fundamental reason for this is that we are hard
wired for it. Only when interpretation and insecurity cloud our natural
instinct and ability to love, does it become an overwhelming challenge.
Beyond the long stemmed roses and Hallmark poetry, love is based on a
connection. We love our parents, we love our spouses, we love our
children and we love our pets. It is easy enough to spot those pillars
of emotional bonding. Who else do we love? Do we love ourselves? Do we
love our community? Do we love our world? Why do these questions seem
grander, deeper and so philosophically ambiguous?
The biggest obstacle to a positive experience with love is the ‘happy
ever after’ syndrome. Wanting good things to last forever is a common
desire but against the natural process of life. Change is inevitable and
this includes transformations as well as endings. The sense of loss has
to be addressed with unreserved honesty. A ‘Pollyanna’ idealism might
work in certain situations but often only serves as a temporary Band-Aid
or worse – becomes something that provokes hostility or cynicism - they
feed on the anger and fear associated with any casualty of love. As good
intentioned as it may be, blind optimism does not really respect or
acknowledge the pain and frustration that is as sincere a response as
any other. How you define loss is as crucial as how you define success.
Setting those parameters will usually have a direct correlation to how
happy you are.
Relationships on every level are sacred trusts. They have been placed in
our care and how we carry out our mission – should we choose to accept
it – will be the only meaningful mark we make in the world. Consider
love in association with even the most platonic of relationships. Do you
love your boss? This is not intended as an endorsement of office
romances. Think love in the largest possible sense. You and everyone
your work with strive to meet in a central location in the common
pursuit of a goal. It may be as cut and dry as earning a paycheck or as
monumental as finding the next cure for a dreaded disease. The hierarchy
of how we value each of the goals is not the issue. The shared
experience is the key to looking at all of your relationships with a
sense of appreciation that they are part of the equation that is your
life.
How you choose to approach love sets the tone for each and every day. Be
clear of your intention. This is an exercise in observation that takes
practice. It does not come without sacrifice. The biggest forfeit might
be the comfort of familiarity, even with the negative. Being creatures
of habit it is easier to cling to the evil you know than to thrust
yourself into un-chartered territory. There is no need to become someone
other than who you are even if the ideal is modeled after Mother
Theresa, Ghandi, or His Holiness the Dalai Lama. The beauty of embracing
love within the framework of your life experience will bring about a
fresh perspective uniquely your own and set new standards for excellence
within your relationships.
If you do one thing…
Love openly, generously and today!
Recommended
Reading
Love: What Life is All About by Leo F. Buscaglia
Personhood: The Art of Being Fully Human by Leo F. Buscaglia
Living, Loving and Learning by Leo F. Buscaglia |